Sunday, May 25, 2014

New cocktail? the Withheld Diploma

We begin with Roederer Brut Premier, to accompany pizza and a viewing of Shawshank Redemption, because the graduate feels getting out of high school is a lot like escaping prison. I tend to agree, if for no other reason than that high school is far too governed by middle aged women who think able bodied young men of eighteen ought to be reading decades-old middlebrow feminist shlock like Surfacing (1972). 


We progress to a new cocktail which we will stir up of, let's say, a jigger of Ole Smoky strawberry moonshine, poured into a champagne flute and topped with a careful dose of Roederer above. Perhaps garnished with a wedge of apple for the teacher? This combination may seem awful, but if so, it suits the circumstance of the graduate's diploma being withheld from him, replaced instead with a bill for an overdue book totaling $13 and some change. If the graduate returned this book two years ago, but has no proof that he did, while the school presents the bill as proof that he didn't, well -- what is one to do but look them in the eye and fix a drink? I had thought of returning the diploma case, with the bill inside, accompanied by a note to advise them to recycle the case since clearly despite all the tax revenues in the world they are desperate for cash; but I think I'll keep the thing as a document for future historians. Besides, the graduate thinks the post office probably won't deliver a package addressed to "18500 Rat Bastard Street."

Also not a bad name for a cocktail.


Roederer Brut Premier, retail, about $44.

Ole Smoky moonshine, retail, about $25.

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