A plea for screwcaps

Please. I'm sure it would be lovely. Light, crisp, refined, satiny, the most perfect, gleaming eau-de-Nil color imaginable, if eau-de-Nil could be faintest silver gold instead of greenish gray (which it is).

Please. A twenty-five dollar investment. A treat. Four glasses possible. Two evenings' pleasure spoiled, and what if I had opened it for company? Who wants to taste stale moldy books and wet basement? No cheese could overpower this, and why ruin even a piece of leftover salmon by trying to pretend it's all right?

Please. No one, I can promise you, no one is planning to cellar a $25 California chardonnay for eight to ten years. No one needs the cork for that purpose.

Please, dear Varner, next time use a screw cap closure. I could try the plastic-wrap-cure, but I've tried it before and I don't think the molecule 2,4,6 trichloroanisole really sticks to Saran wrap.

Still think screwcaps are too downmarket for good wine? But what were the odds that my bottle would be "corked"? Only five percent, the books say. Only when it's the wine I bought, the odds are one in one.